{"id":42736,"date":"2025-01-31T17:11:27","date_gmt":"2025-01-31T16:11:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.silvereco.org\/en\/?p=42736"},"modified":"2026-01-22T13:48:12","modified_gmt":"2026-01-22T12:48:12","slug":"gramnesia-when-grandparents-forget-the-reality-of-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.silvereco.org\/en\/gramnesia-when-grandparents-forget-the-reality-of-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cGramnesia&#8221;: When grandparents forget the reality of parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Social networks are constantly inventing new terms to describe realities that are often shared. One of the latest, which is particularly popular with young parents, is the phenomenon of \u201cgramnesia\u201d. This expression, a contraction of the words \u201cgrandparent\u201d and \u201camnesia\u201d, refers to the apparent oblivion of some grandparents to the realities of raising a young child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.silvereco.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/une-gramnesia-1024x576.png\" alt=\"gramnesia\" class=\"wp-image-1696328\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Gramnesia: the origins of a viral term <\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>While the inventor of this word is not clearly identified, the concept has been circulating for several years on online forums. It was in June 2024 that American <strong>therapist and mother<\/strong> Allie McQuaid, known as @<strong>millennialmomtherapist<\/strong> on Instagram, popularized the term with a video that went viral. In it, she expresses surprise at <strong>how some grandparents seem to have forgotten the reality of parenting.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"instagram-media\" data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/C74kRLbOoop\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"14\" style=\" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);\"><div style=\"padding:16px;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/C74kRLbOoop\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;\" target=\"_blank\"> <div style=\" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;\"> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><div style=\"padding: 19% 0;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;\"><svg width=\"50px\" height=\"50px\" viewBox=\"0 0 60 60\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"https:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:xlink=\"https:\/\/www.w3.org\/1999\/xlink\"><g stroke=\"none\" stroke-width=\"1\" fill=\"none\" fill-rule=\"evenodd\"><g transform=\"translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)\" fill=\"#000000\"><g><path d=\"M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631\"><\/path><\/g><\/g><\/g><\/svg><\/div><div style=\"padding-top: 8px;\"> <div style=\" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;\">View this post on Instagram<\/div><\/div><div style=\"padding: 12.5% 0;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;\"><div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: 8px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: auto;\"> <div style=\" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);\"><\/div><\/div><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/a><p style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/C74kRLbOoop\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;\" target=\"_blank\">A post shared by Allie McQuaid | millennial motherhood (@millennialmomtherapist)<\/a><\/p><\/div><\/blockquote>\n<script async src=\"\/\/www.instagram.com\/embed.js\"><\/script>\n\n\n\n<p>Her video has generated over <strong>4.4 million views <\/strong>and thousands of comments from parents sharing their own experiences of \u201c<strong><em>gramnesia<\/em><\/strong>\u201d. Numerous anecdotes describe grandparents who were convinced that their children slept through the night as soon as they came home from the maternity ward, that they ate everything without complaining, or that they were potty-trained from the age of one. <strong>It&#8217;s as if new parents were making a big deal out of what parenthood really is<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to a <strong>2021 Ifop survey<\/strong>, 19% of French people feel that since the birth of their child, relations with their parents have become complicated. For 17%, they have become strained, and another 17% describe them as \u201cdistant\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why does \u201cGramnesia\u201d exists?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>According to McQuaid, several factors may explain this phenomenon:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignright size-large is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.silvereco.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/alzheimer-perte-de-la-memoire_115798375-1024x967.jpg\" alt=\"m\u00e9moire - alzheimer - gramnesia\" class=\"wp-image-1689989\" style=\"width:239px;height:auto\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Selective memory<br><\/strong>Over time, our memories become blurred, and our brains tend to embellish the past. This phenomenon, known as \u201ceuphoric recall\u201d, encourages us to remember difficult experiences in a more positive light. As a result, some grandparents no longer really remember their own children&#8217;s sleepless nights, tantrums or food refusals.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>The evolution of educational practices<br><\/strong>What was recommended 30 or 40 years ago is not necessarily recommended today. New discoveries in pediatrics and child psychology have transformed the way children are brought up. Some old-fashioned advice, such as putting rice in the bottle to encourage sleep, or letting a baby cry to get used to it, is no longer advisable.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>A lack of emotional expression in previous generations<br><\/strong>Unlike today&#8217;s young parents, who have more freedom to talk about their difficulties, previous generations tended to hide their parental suffering. Education was often seen as a duty to be fulfilled without complaint, which explains why some grandparents feel that everything was easier for them back then.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A phenomenon that frustrates young parents<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Remarks stemming from \u201cgramnesia\u201d<\/strong> can be irritating for today&#8217;s parents, who feel invalidated in their difficulties. When a grandparent declares: \u201cYou never had any issues with authority\u201d, \u201cYou ate everything without a care in the world\u201d, \u201c<strong>You never had a tantrum like that<\/strong>\u201d, &#8220;I taught you to be potty-trained in a weekend\u201d, it can give the impression that young parents are not doing their job properly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, it&#8217;s important to <strong>take a step back from these remarks<\/strong>. Sometimes it&#8217;s easier to ignore certain comments than to enter into a <strong>sterile debate<\/strong>. But if the frustration becomes too much, it&#8217;s possible to calmly express your feelings by rephrasing the criticisms received from a personal angle:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Rather than replying \u201c<em>That&#8217;s not true, I&#8217;ve had plenty of fits too<\/em>!\u201d, you can say \u201c<em>When you say that, I feel like I&#8217;m not up to it and it makes me uncomfortable<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.silvereco.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/pere-fille-famille-lien-intergenerationnel_227583460-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"gramnesia - conflit parent enfant senior\" class=\"wp-image-1696329\" style=\"width:893px;height:auto\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A reality shared by many parents<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Reactions to the viral video show that \u201cgramnesia\u201d is a<strong> worldwide phenomenon<\/strong>. Many young parents talk about how their own parents <strong>can&#8217;t stand a few hours with their grandchildren<\/strong>, even though they insist that they&#8217;ve never had difficulties with their own children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Others talk about <strong>the gap between grandparents&#8217; expectations and their actual involvement<\/strong>. Today, some elderly people would like to have a privileged relationship with their grandchildren, but <strong>without taking on the associated responsibilities<\/strong>, which creates tensions with parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-wp-embed is-provider-embed wp-block-embed-embed\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"gcOEe8H2yA\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.silvereco.org\/en\/almost-half-of-grandparents-would-have-a-favourite-grandchild\/\">Almost half of grandparents would have a favourite grandchild<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" style=\"position: absolute; visibility: hidden;\" title=\"&#8220;Almost half of grandparents would have a favourite grandchild&#8221; &#8212; \" src=\"https:\/\/www.silvereco.org\/en\/almost-half-of-grandparents-would-have-a-favourite-grandchild\/embed\/#?secret=cexTvWEC0c#?secret=gcOEe8H2yA\" data-secret=\"gcOEe8H2yA\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Questioning intergenerational transmission<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>If \u201cgramnesia\u201d is a source of frustration<\/strong>, it also highlights <strong>generational differences in parenting<\/strong>. Educational practices have changed, mentalities are evolving, and the way families interact with children is no longer the same. Being grandparents for the first time is also a complicated thing for them to apprehend. They have to learn their new role, without encroaching on that of the new parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Accepting that grandparents have an idealized vision<\/strong> of their own experience can help to manage these conversations better. After all, they often want to do the right thing and are only interested in passing on their experience.<strong> Striking a balance between gratitude and assertion of one&#8217;s own parental role<\/strong> is essential to maintaining harmonious relations within the family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>#Gramnesia: When #grandparents #forget the #reality of #parenting<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":42740,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center 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When #grandparents #forget the #reality of 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